


a place that’s like my heart

by orphan_account



Series: holiday [2]
Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Established Relationship, Idols, M/M, he's sweet n dsnt know they're together soo there's . developments, idol verse soonhoon, just fluff and howoo having a great time in kyoto and talking abt feelings, kind of too real im sorry, nsfw but not toooo much, soonyoung's dad there to supervise lmfaoo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-18
Updated: 2019-08-18
Packaged: 2020-09-20 13:01:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 16,301
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20297482
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Soonyoung takes Jihoon on another vacation mid-tour, this time to Kyoto.





	a place that’s like my heart

**Author's Note:**

> reading with you it's paradise isn't required at all but it is mentioned briefly here
> 
> idol verse howoo inspired by my trip around japan and kyoto especially bc i loved it sooooo much;~; disclaimer i shld probably put in: none of this is real just havin fun
> 
> <3

Jihoon wakes up groggy and unhappy. It’s rare that he’ll be too happy to open his eyes in the morning considering they just had a concert last night and have another one later today. He sighs, eyes squeezing tight before he opens them slowly and turns over to stare at the ceiling. It takes him a second to realize that there’s no subtle snoring from the bed near him and when he turns his head he sees Soonyoung sitting cross-legged on Vernon’s mattress, smiling cheerfully at him.

“Good morning!” He practically yells as soon as their eyes meet, leaping to land on his knees by Jihoon’s bed. As soon as he's by his side, his hand snakes across Jihoon's chest and up to brush his bangs away from his eyes. “How did you sleep beautiful?”

Jihoon almost gags. “What are you doing here?”

Soonyoung’s hand slips away as fast as it came and he stands back up to sit by his side. “I had an idea.”

“Oh no,” Jihoon groans and Soonyoung only smiles wider.

“We don’t have concerts for the next two days before we fly to Osaka.”

“Don’t even think about it,” Jihoon mutters knowing where this is going. His fingers caress Soonyoung’s bare knee by his hip which makes Soonyoung’s smile dim into something warmer, something more private.

“Just hear me out okay?” His voice is soft when Jihoon meets his eyes – expressionless – and Soonyoung’s teeth toy with his bottom lip before he speaks. “Kyoto. I’ve always wanted to go.” He looks at Jihoon expectantly who seems too occupied scratching lightly at his knee. 

“So?” Jihoon says after Soonyoung hasn’t spoken in a minute.

Soonyoung’s eyes narrow only for a moment. “Well… Do you want to go with me? Let’s go together.”

“Who else is invited?”

“Are you teasing me?” Soonyoung traps Jihoon’s hand between his so he stops tickling his knee. “This isn’t funny, I’m serious. You’re already not rooming with me, this is the least you could do.”

“I knew you were bitter about that,” Jihoon snickers. “I’m rooming with you in Osaka. Don’t be dramatic.”

“I’m not being dramatic at all. And Shua is a fun roommate!”

“Great, so room with him in Osaka too.”

“I will if you go to Kyoto with me,” Soonyoung snaps back and Jihoon meets his eyes, brow quirking.

“You know this isn’t as easy as Barcelona, or are you that addicted to trouble?”

“I’m addicted to you,” Soonyoung replies quickly and Jihoon looks at him for a second before he bursts out laughing and in Soonyoung’s surprise his hand weakens so Jihoon takes hold of it, fingers intertwining.

“You’re an idiot,” Jihoon mutters but he’s holding Soonyoung gently. “What’s your great escape plan then?”

“No escape plan. We take the Shinkansen to Kyoto spend a few nights there and return in the morning in time for our flight to Osaka on Thursday,” he watches Jihoon intensely as he recites his proposal and Jihoon can’t help but be impressed.

“Not bad, Kwon Soonyoung,” he pulls lightly at their connected hands.

“Thanks." He smiles as he leans down and brushes their noses against each other before landing a small kiss on his lips. “Everything about you is perfect except your morning breath,” he whispers and leaves another kiss on his nose before he pulls away.

“Everything?” Jihoon repeats happily and lets Soonyoung pull him up to a seating position. “So when do we leave exactly?”

“Tomorrow morning?” Soonyoung asks.

He sighs. “Sure.”

“Good. I already got tickets for ten.”

“Ten?” Jihoon groans and Soonyoung’s rubs his arms.

“Come on, it’s a three-hour ride and you can sleep the whole time. I won’t bother you,” he promises and Jihoon looks at him through his fringe then frowns.

“Wait, how are they letting us go without a manager? Did you even ask permission?”

“I did!” Then he looks guilty for a second and Jihoon narrows his eyes.

“What did you tell them?”

“That we’re going with my dad.”

“Oh my god… Is your dad coming?”

“He’ll be there but we don’t have to hang out with him…” Soonyoung mumbles shyly and Jihoon stares at him before he bursts out laughing and Soonyoung flushes.

“Shut up!” He says loudly. “Do you prefer my dad or a manager on our tail the entire time?”

“Of course I prefer this,” Jihoon is grinning and his chest feels light at seeing Soonyoung so flustered. He’s trying _so _hard and he really thought this through. It almost doesn’t make Jihoon afraid to risk it all. “Alright,” he agrees falling back down onto his pillows. “I can’t believe you managed to convince me. _Again_.” He looks over at Soonyoung who’s smiling warmly at him. “Don’t look at me like that.” 

“Like what?” 

“You know what…” Jihoon mutters letting Soonyoung’s hand travel across his bare belly where his shirt rose up to the other side so he can lean comfortably over him. 

“Jihoon-ah,” he tells him quietly. “Thank you.” Soonyoung’s breath is warm across Jihoon’s face and he closes his eyes letting Soonyoung kiss him slowly before he pulls away when the door clicks open. 

It takes Vernon a few seconds to enter through the corridor and see them. By then Jihoon is already getting off the bed and Soonyoung is typing something on his phone. 

“Morning,” he smiles dropping a bag of 7/11 onto the armrest by the window. “Brought food." Soonyoung jumps off Jihoon’s bed hurrying to him and they unload the bag talking amongst themselves while Jihoon washes up in the bathroom. Vernon never says anything, never has, but he’s probably the only one among their members who really has a sense of what’s going on between him and Soonyoung and Jihoon is glad he never touches on it other than to give them private moments like this morning, or any time he goes to visit his parents and texts half an hour before he comes back in case Jihoon stayed over. Not that he knows Jihoon ever does, but Jihoon figures he guessed a while ago. 

Jihoon brushes his teeth and comes out to join them, sitting on the couch next to Vernon while Soonyoung is across eating seaweed onigiri and talking to Vernon about some show he saw on TV the night before. Jihoon eats his katsu bento quietly on the side until he’s awake enough to join the conversation and when Vernon goes to use the bathroom he leans across the table and gives Soonyoung a kiss and Soonyoung tells him before he kisses him again that his chicken breath isn’t any better. 

♡

The next morning the alarm blares at eight thirty and Vernon only stirs before Jihoon shuts it off trying not to whine in his pillow. He sees a text from Soonyoung saying he’ll pick him up at nine and rolls over onto his back. There’s really not much for him to do other than get dresses so he takes his time waking up. The night before while Vernon was out with Seungkwan and Chan, Soonyoung came over and they picked out some clothes for Jihoon that Soonyoung then took to pack in his duffel bag. All Jihoon has to do is take his toiletries when he meets him outside, which is really just his toothbrush. When he finally gets up he makes sure to be as quiet as possible moving around the room, but Vernon sleeps like a log so it would take a lot to wake him anyway. 

It’s nine fifteen by the time Jihoon meets Soonyoung sitting on the floor in front of his room, head leaning on the wall behind him. He quickly straightens up when he sees Jihoon and Jihoon laughs offering his hand to help pull him up.

“That’s it?” Soonyoung asks looking at Jihoon’s toothbrush. 

“Did you bring toothpaste?”

“Of course.”

“Then yeah, that’s it,” Jihoon grins and Soonyoung shakes his head but he’s smiling a little too. They walk silently to the elevator and Jihoon can feel Soonyoung staring at him with warm and needy eyes and looks up at him in warning. 

“Later,” Jihoon mutters. He doesn’t trust public spaces for that, especially not at the hotel the whole group is staying at and Soonyoung understands, so he looks away. 

“My dad is staying at another hotel but he’ll come pick us up… That’s what the managers and I agreed on,” he tells him as the elevator goes down and Jihoon leans on the wall across, watching him. 

“You’re very thorough,” he comments and Soonyoung smiles as the elevator dings open. 

It’s Jeon manager that waits outside, clearly the other managers let the newbie do all the annoying jobs but it’s probably easier to slip away with some things when he’s less familiar with them, too. 

“Morning!” Soonyoung cheers and Jihoon nods politely giving him a handshake after Soonyoung. “Where do we sign off?” 

Their manager frowns. “This is is serious, you know? You’re not technically allowed to do this.” 

“Well, we are adults and _technically _it’s our day off so we can do whatever,” Soonyoung tells him matter-of-factly and Jihoon sighs. 

“We have a train to catch." It's always better to distract Soonyoung in case he gets carried away.

“My dad is in a cab to pick us up,” Soonyoung tells him, then back to Manager Jeon. “You want to escort us?” 

“That would probably be a good idea."

Outside, the atmosphere is only slightly awkward as they wait for Soonyoung's dad. Jihoon can tell Soonyoung is antsy and so is their manager so he tries to stay calm instead of showing his own anxiety over the whole situation. 

“A few reminders.” Right, protocol. “No photos if you’re recognized. Signatures are fine. Stay together at all times, even if not with your dad, don’t separate. Take cabs, no public transport and no crowded places and don’t do anything strenuous, you still have four concerts to go,” they nod through the speech as their cab rolls up behind them. “Text me when you get there and with updates. If not me then at least S.Coups… He knows you’re going right?” Both of them stay quiet and their manager sighs, rubbing the bridge of his nose. “Whatever. Just stay in contact. Our flight to Osaka is at 4pm on Thursday so be here before twelve.” 

“Thanks,” Soonyoung smiles opening the door of their cab and Jihoon gives him a curt bow getting inside with Soonyoung after him. “Bye! Enjoy your day off too, old man!” Their manager is about to say something else but Soonyoung already closed the door. “Hey dad,” he gives his father a clap on the shoulder and his dad turns around with a frown. 

“If that’s an old man then what am I?” He complains and Soonyoung laughs. 

“A grandpa.” 

“Then give me grandchildren,” his dad mutters as the cab starts driving and Jihoon tenses by the window. 

“Ahh, _appa _... That’s unfair, I’m busy! You have noona for that~” 

His dad sighs, ignoring him, and instead turns to pat Jihoon on the knee. “Good morning Jihoon-ah, ready to have fun with the Kwons?” His smile is warm and affectionate and Soonyoung’s dad has always been way too kind to all the members so Jihoon's smile back is easy and genuine.

“I just hope I don’t regret it,” and while Soonyoung pouts slightly at him Soonyoung’s dad laughs loudly and Jihoon feels like he’s done something right. 

♡

They arrive at the station fifteen minutes before their train so they quickly buy some bentos and snacks for their ride and then separate when Soonyoung’s dad goes off to wait by his own cabin. 

“Are we not in the same one?” Jihoon asks looking at their ticket. 

“I got us unreserved seats,” Soonyoung sips on his coffee. He’s wearing a bucket hat while Jihoon sports a cap but otherwise they don’t cover up too much. 

“Why? Are they cheaper?” Jihoon teases. 

“Actually they are,” Soonyoung says following up with a long sip. “But they also allow us to sit wherever so we can find somewhere more isolated if needed.”

“If needed?” Jihoon raises a brow and Soonyoung blushes. 

“I just mean… So nobody disturbs us, okay? Nothing dirty.”

“Nothing dirty,” Jihoon repeats and smiles at Soonyoung’s pink cheeks. They’re at the end of the platform and nobody is around them so Jihoon tugs on Soonyoung’s sleeve and pulls them behind a vending machine rising on his toes to kiss him and Soonyoung lowers his head to meet him halfway. One of Soonyoung’s hands holds him around his waist and Jihoon feels the plastic convenience bag against his ass as he presses closer, hands in Soonyoung’s shirt, kissing him until some announcement wakes them from their stupor. Soonyoung smiles down at him and steps away looking around them. Some people are coming their way but they’re far enough that Jihoon doesn’t worry, or maybe the lack of worrying means he’s way far gone. 

By the time the train arrives there are quite a few people around them and Jihoon realizes Cherry Blossom season was a few weeks ago so this is probably the last of the tourists trying to go see whatever is left. It worries him for a second, but many tourists also means less likelihood anyone will pay attention to them, at least Jihoon hopes. 

They find some places in the very back of the wagon and Soonyoung lets Jihoon take the window seat, throwing the duffel bag on the rails above them. When he sits down he points across Jihoon out the window. 

“I read we’ll see Mount Fuji on the way,” he says, smiling and Jihoon nods looking out the window as well. “Later, not right now,” Soonyoung adds and Jihoon shoves him lightly. 

“I know that.” 

“Okay,” Soonyoung grins landing a quick kiss on his cheek and Jihoon feels like his heart dropped right onto the floor. He tries to glare but it doesn’t really work when Soonyoung sticks out his tongue before sitting back comfortably in his seat. 

“How long’s the ride?” Jihoon asks while Soonyoung scrolls through some travel guides on his phone and the train starts moving. 

“Just over two hours.”

“That’s not too bad.”

“Nope." He keeps scrolling on his phone and Jihoon watches him – lip caught between teeth – and tries not to seem disappointed that Soonyoung is more occupied with his phone than with him. 

“So you’re just going to be on your phone the whole time?” Soonyoung only glances at him before opening a new link. 

“I’m looking up stuff we can do later, didn’t you want to sleep anyway?” He's clearly distracted and Jihoon drops it, leaning onto the window to watch Tokyo move farther and farther away. He can barely see the Skytree anymore when he feels something land on his thigh and looks down to find Soonyoung’s upturned hand. He takes it, probably too quickly, but the feeling of Soonyoung’s fingers between his feels too good to let go. 

♡

Jihoon dozes off for about forty minutes until Soonyoung shakes him awake. 

“You want to see the mountain?” He murmurs close to his ear and Jihoon presses closer while Soonyoung moves away. Groaning, Jihoon pushes off his seat to stretch out, eyes still closed, then he falls back and rolls his head towards Soonyoung. “Hey sleepy head.” Jihoon opens his eyes and finds Soonyoung smiling at him.

“Let’s not be cute right now,” Jihoon sighs turning to the window. “Where is it?” 

“It’s in a little while,” Soonyoung tells him and then takes out both bentos pulling Jihoon’s table down for him. 

“You could’ve just eaten by yourself you know.”

“What’s the point of getting matching bento boxes then?” Soonyoung asks and it’s way too genuine that Jihoon laughs. 

“You’re ridiculous.”

“Why do I feel like you keep saying that?” 

“Cause you keep doing dumb things,” Jihoon mutters taking the chopsticks Soonyoung passes to him and opens his box. They really did get matching ones. It’s kind of ridiculously stupid when they sit like that side by side. Jihoon looks over at Soonyoung and Soonyoung smiles. 

“I need to take a picture.” 

“Go ahead.” Soonyoung grins snapping one quickly so they can eat. 

They’re almost done with their food when Soonyoung points out the window and Jihoon squints to see Mount Fuji in the distance, though it’s mostly covered by clouds. 

“That’s not much,” he frowns and Soonyoung hums in agreement. 

“At least it’s something,” he says and Jihoon sighs leaning back in his seat to look at Soonyoung. “What?” 

“Nothing,” Jihoon says but keeps looking at Soonyoung. 

“You seem frustrated.”

“Do I?” 

“What’s wrong?”

Jihoon looks at Soonyoung for a moment longer. “You wake me up to see a mountain. There is no mountain.”   
  
“There is a mountain,” Soonyoung disagrees. “You just can’t see it very well today.” 

“So I can go back to sleep now?” Jihoon asks. 

“If you want?” Jihoon’s eyes narrow. “Okay, what is it this time?”

“You’re being awfully… Pushovery.” 

Soonyoung frowns. “What?” 

“Like… You’re just going with whatever. Letting me say whatever.” 

“Are you not supposed to be saying things? Am I supposed to be disagreeing with you all the time?” 

“I don’t know, ignore me,” Jihoon sighs looking back out the window and the misty snowy tip that peeks through the clouds. 

“Come on. We have a whole hour and a half to talk about this,” Soonyoung says nudging him softly and Jihoon doesn’t meet his eyes. 

“You do a lot for me Soonyoung, that’s all.” 

Soonyoung doesn’t say anything for a while and they both watch the clouds clear slightly to reveal more of the mountain. 

“I do things for you because I want to, okay? I don’t get how that’s relevant right now.” 

“Nothing. I’m cranky 'cause you woke me up.”

“Are you cranky about me waking you up or me doing nice things for you?” Soonyoung’s voice is annoyingly questioning and Jihoon sighs. 

“Forget it. I don’t know why I said any of that.”

Soonyoung prods his arm and Jihoon retracts it. “You need to talk to me.”

“I am talking to you.” 

“Well. Can you talk more clearly?” Soonyoung sounds slightly on edge now and Jihoon feels bad he said anything. He meets his eyes and takes his hand watching Soonyoung relax. 

“I’m sorry I said anything okay? I just think you put me first too much, it’s unsettling.”

“You flatter yourself,” Soonyoung’s eyes bore into his and Jihoon refuses to look away. “I woke you up because I’m hungry. You probably stayed up till three am last night playing games on your phone, it’s not really my problem if you’re tired on this train ride.” 

Jihoon’s brows rise at that. “That’s very selfish of you.” 

“A lot of things I do are pretty selfish.” 

“Like waking me up from my sleep?” 

“And stealing you away for a few days,” Soonyoung adds. “I’m only thinking about myself here.” 

“Good,” Jihoon smiles. “It’s time you took care of yourself a little.” 

Soonyoung lips dip in a cute frown as he watches him. “You’re an interesting guy Lee Jihoon. I’m still trying to figure you out.” 

Jihoon tilts his head. “I thought you knew me the best.” 

“I do,” Soonyoung says confidently. “But I think there’s always more to learn about you. That’s what makes you so charming.” 

Jihoon grins and his whole face feels scrunched silly but Soonyoung seems way too serious about this and Jihoon finds it hilarious. 

“I don’t know if I should take you seriously.” 

“You should try to sometimes.” 

“Just sometimes.” 

“I will appreciate it.” 

“As long as you appreciate it.” 

Somewhere along the conversation they moved close enough that their foreheads are almost touching and Jihoon doesn’t see anyone in their immediate vicinity so he leans forward and gives him a short kiss. 

“We’re getting braver,” he mutters against his lips and Soonyoung nods, a hand sneaking onto his neck so he can give an open kiss to the corner of his mouth and another warm one onto his cheek and just below his ear. “Should we check out the bathrooms?” He asks against his ear and Jihoon closes his eyes and feels his crotch tightening immediately. Soonyoung doesn’t wait for a reply before he bites his lobe and sucks lightly on the skin just under it. 

“Soonyoung,” Jihoon whispers. Soonyoung doesn’t let go but his hand does slip down his torso to his crotch and Jihoon spreads his legs with a tiny gasp. “Okay, Soonyoung. We are in public.” 

Soonyoung pulls away quickly, like's ripping himself away, and leans back in his seat, eyes closed, throat moving with deep breaths. His lips are entirely too red. Hastily, Jihoon gets up and checks around the cabin. There are only a few people in the very front and no passengers anywhere near them. 

“Double checking me?” Soonyoung asks, one eye open to watch Jihoon and Jihoon plops down onto his chair pulling Soonyoung into a deep kiss that he breaks just as quickly before standing up and dragging Soonyoung with him. 

“I’m not doing anything out there,” he whispers when they're out of the cabin and Soonyoung nods eagerly as they come across the closest bathroom available. “God, this is bad…” Jihoon mutters when they’re both inside and the door is locked. “This is kind of unsexy.” 

“Well I’m turned on as hell so if you want to blow me, be my guest.” Jihoon groans in disgust but pushes Soonyoung’s shoulders down so he sits on the toilet seat. Thankfully, he’s not wearing shorts today, but he still hesitates before kneeling onto the floor while Soonyoung hurriedly unbuttons his pants for him. Jihoon can already see him half-hard against his zipper. 

“Is this one of your dirty fantasies?” Jihoon asks as Soonyoung pulls his wrist to spit in his hand and Jihoon cringes. 

“When you make faces like that, it doesn’t help,” Soonyoung tells him and Jihoon gives him a fake smile instead. “Maybe just don’t do anything at all.” Jihoon laughs at that and takes Soonyoung’s dick into his hand, jerking it off slowly with the help of some precome, leaving his face completely impassive, staring right into Soonyoung’s eyes. 

“Okay. Strangely this is hot.” 

Jihoon wants to laugh but he teases him with a bored stare and when Soonyoung is hard enough he sucks lightly on the tip until Soonyoung grabs his hair and Jihoon has to focus on sucking him off rather than keeping his expression because his own erection is starting to demand attention. 

It’s nothing new. A quick blowjob at the studio, the gym shower, or in their rooms while Vernon is out for dinner or Mingyu on some date. They still fool around quite a lot, just not as much lately since there isn’t time in between all the concerts and practice so it doesn’t take long at all for Jihoon to feel a hot stream shoot down his throat. 

“That was quick,” Jihoon smiles, wiping his chin, and Soonyoung runs his thumb across his lower lip. 

“Shut up, I missed your mouth.”

“My mouth is always here.” 

“It’s not always on my dick.” 

Jihoon laughs. “Thank god.” 

“Come here,” Soonyoung urges, taking Jihoon’s hand to pull him up onto his lap and Jihoon gently tucks his dick away into his underwear. “Thanks,” Soonyoung mutters by his jaw, kissing him there and then his cheek and finally his lips, open-mouthed and deep. Jihoon moans into it, horny as hell himself and Soonyoung takes his hips pushing them down to encourage him to grind against his thigh. Jihoon does and quickly, almost desperately, until he’s coming inside his underwear pressed almost entirely against Soonyoung’s chest. He’s still for a moment before sighing loudly into his neck. 

“Fuck,” he mutters and kisses him there, then bites for good measure making sure he’s careful enough so it doesn’t leave a mark. Soonyoung’s fingers run through his hair a few times then he nudges Jihoon lightly so they get up. 

“I didn’t bring spare pants did I?” 

“I packed extra,” Soonyoung smiles and kisses his cheek before washing his hands. 

Jihoon looks up at him. “You knew this would happen?” 

“Like I said,” he grins. “I’m selfish.” 

“Only thinking of your own benefit.”

“I did get a blowjob out of it didn’t I?” Jihoon narrows his eyes and Soonyoung smiles, kissing him again before they go back to their seats. 

♡

They arrive in Kyoto right on schedule and meet Soonyoung’s dad on the platform before they catch a taxi to their hotel. 

“How was your ride?” Soonyoung’s dad asks from the front seat. 

“Boring,” Soonyoung pouts. “Jihoonie slept the whole time.” Jihoon slaps his stomach lightly and Soonyoung grins at him while his dad speaks. 

“Let the boy rest. I don’t get how you have so much energy after the last four days.” 

“I’m excited!” 

“He’s not human,” Jihoon says and Soonyoung’s dad looks at him nodding in agreement. 

Their hotel is nice, nothing too fancy but it’s in a lively area and Soonyoung goes up to the desk to check them in while his dad and Jihoon wait on the side. Jihoon didn’t really want to be left alone with him but Soonyoung separated way too fast for Jihoon to follow.

“Anything you’re dying to see in Kyoto?” Soonyoung’s dad asks, listing through some tourist book he picked up at the lobby. 

“Uhm.. I’m not sure. I know there’s that gates place?” 

“Oh! Fushimi Inari!” He smiles, excited. “Yes, probably going to have tons of people but we must go. Bamboo forest too,” he adds and starts listing a bunch of temples while Jihoon nods through it all not really registering the names of all them. “You’re a quiet guy,” he says finally and Jihoon blinks up at him. 

“I suppose,” Jihoon says shyly and Soonyoung’s dad smiles warmly. Too warmly. Warm enough that Jihoon has to look away because he’s scared of what is about to follow but thankfully Soonyoung comes back right then. 

“Okay, got our rooms. Dad you’re on the fourth floor, Jihoon we’re on the seventh.” If Soonyoung’s dad finds it weird that they’re sharing a room, he doesn’t comment on it and instead just takes his key. 

“Should we meet in an hour? Or do you two want to spend some time together?” He asks and Jihoon tries not to show that he’s surprised by the question. 

“I think it would be good if we’re seen in public with you,” Soonyoung says, watching Jihoon for approval. 

“I’m okay with that." He means it too. Probably less stressful this way. 

“Good! I have some itinerary things planned so let’s meet here at two get some lunch and go explore!” He’s definitely energetic but Jihoon appreciates that, following him and Soonyoung to the elevator while they discuss places they want to see in their limited time. 

“It’s okay right?” Soonyoung asks quietly when they’re alone in the elevator after Soonyoung’s dad leaves. 

“Yeah,” Jihoon adds a smile to assure him. “Did you text the manager?”   
  
“He has a name.” 

“Did you text him?” 

Soonyoung laughs. “Yeah, while checking in.” The elevator dings open and Soonyoung lets Jihoon through first telling him the room number so they go the right way. Their room isn’t very big but there’s one bed and Jihoon looks over at Soonyoung, remembering the last time they travelled to a hotel just the two of them. 

“Is that why you didn’t want me to check in with you?” 

Soonyoung’s head tilts slightly. “What do you mean?” 

“The one bed,” Jihoon says, sitting down on the mattress and Soonyoung puts the duffel bag on the table by the corner. 

“Ahh… Well,” his reply is slow. “I didn’t think my dad wants to hear about us sharing a bed.” Jihoon lets that sentence sit with him for a moment.

“I should’ve probably asked this before,” he says finally. “But does your dad know about us?” 

Soonyoung stays still for a moment, not turning around even when he answers. “Honestly, I don’t know,” he turns to lean his back on the table, arms crossing. He has a small smile on his lips but it doesn’t reach his eyes and Jihoon watches him back seriously. “I think my mom guessed already, but we've never explicitly discussed it…” He swallows and Jihoon sees how hard he’s gripping his arms. “I don’t really hide how I feel about you,” he adds quietly. 

“I can tell,” Jihoon smiles and Soonyoung looks at him briefly before sighing, hands running through his hair as he pushes off the table and sits next to Jihoon. 

“I think my mom knows,” he starts. “I think my dad knows too but we’ve never talked about it, I think they’re waiting for me to tell them myself, but I never really knew how,” he plays with his Seventeen ring before sliding it off completely leaving behind a white strip. “I tell them everything around it though... They know we went to Barcelona together, they know we work out together and work on songs together. I’m pretty sure out of everyone I mostly only talk about you.” 

Jihoon’s heart clenches at that. It’s just another reminder among many of what they mean to each other and Jihoon holds onto it. 

“You will tell them when you’re ready,” Jihoon tells him. “I’m sure they’re waiting for you.” He slides his fingers along Soonyoung’s palm so they can fit against each other, hands clasping.

“Jihoon-ah,” Soonyoung says softly. 

“Hmm.” 

“Thank you.” 

“What’s there to thank me for? I’m the one causing the problems.” 

Soonyoung looks over at him in surprise, then bursts into laughter, and Jihoon squeezes relishing in the warmth between their palms. 

♡

They meet downstairs in an hour and Soonyoung’s dad takes them to an udon place by their hotel. The Kwons have hot udon but Jihoon goes for a cold one and a coke, staying mostly quiet as the other two talk among themselves. He doesn’t mind. They’re funny. It’s also a nice distraction to sit by Soonyoung’s side and feel his hand warm on his thigh under the table. 

When they’re done they take the subway to Fushimi Inari, but Soonyoung’s dad calls it the gates as a joke to make fun of Jihoon a little. They’re not really supposed to use the subway but Soonyoung wanted to try it and so did his dad. They pick the first wagon and stand at the end of it facing away from the crowd. It’s okay, Jihoon thinks though he feels a bit stressed, it’s only a twenty minute ride, he keeps thinking until Soonyoung’s meets his eyes and smiles and things feel more okay again.

While the train was empty, the shrine is more packed and Soonyoung senses Jihoon’s anxiety because he places a hand on the small of his back questioningly and Jihoon nods. 

“It’s okay,” he tells him. “But don’t touch me,” he adds in a mutter and Soonyoung nods before he steps away to the other side so they walk with Soonyoung’s dad between them up the hill for the shrine. 

Even when they reach the shrine they keep climbing. Actually, they climb for a while, long enough that Jihoon is about to take off his slide and beat Soonyoung with it and maybe even his dad along with him. 

“I would’ve worn something else,” he whines at one point not even caring if Soonyoung’s dad hears. 

“I didn’t realize it would be this long,” Soonyoung’s dad pants in return and sits on the next surface he sees. They passed the gates already but turns out there was more uphill so they kept going. Now it’s been thirty minutes and it’s nowhere near over. Thankfully it’s not super hot outside, but walking up stairs is exhausting and especially for a man in his late fifties.

“Are we just giving up?” Soonyoung sounds surprised enough that both of them look at him with pointed stares. “Wow, fine. Do you two want to go back down? I can go up by myself.” 

“It says it’s another fifty minutes,” his dad pants out drinking half his Pocari Sweat in one go. 

“Sit at a coffee shop or something, get that ice snow cone thing. I’ll be back quick,” he assures him then looks over at Jihoon. “Do you want to come with?” 

“You’re killing me,” Jihoon mutters but he prefers climbing with Soonyoung than spending time with his dad no matter how kind or friendly he might be. He lets Soonyoung help pull him up and they start climbing after the goodbyes. 

“It’s pretty here though, right?” Soonyoung is snapping pictures every few steps and even though there were many tourists down by the shrine, here there's almost nobody around and Jihoon is more focused on finding the screaming monkeys the signs keep warning about than paying attention to the aesthetics. 

“Yeah,” he says when Soonyoung looks back at him for a reply and Soonyoung realizes he’s been ahead a few steps so he slows down. 

“You okay?” He asks after a few minutes.

“What do you think?” Jihoon mutters. “Didn’t realize we’re hiking on our day off.” 

“Okay… Me neither but it’s nice… Right?” 

It’s the Mount Fuji thing all over again and Jihoon looks over at him before sighing. “Yes, it’s pretty.” 

“You’re doing it again.” 

“You’re also doing it again.” 

“What am I doing?”

“You care too much about what I think but in the end you only do what you want anyway, so what does it matter?” Jihoon says a little too harshly and without even realizing how much he has thought it all through. Soonyoung stops behind him so Jihoon stops too, turning around. Soonyoung is watching him, slightly distraught and Jihoon wants to say something but steps aside to let a family walk past first.

“Come here,” he tells him when they’re alone among the bright red gates and Soonyoung comes closer, clearly frustrated.

“I want you to explain what you mean,” Soonyoung tells him and Jihoon swallows at his intense gaze. 

“It’s nothing serious.” 

“It sounds serious.” 

“It’s nothing I _mind _about you, it’s just interesting,” Soonyoung waits and Jihoon takes off his hat to run his hands through his hair before he puts it back on. “You ask for my opinion to see if I like it or not but in the end you just want me to like what you like and do what you want to do.”

“Isn’t it the same with you?” Soonyoung asks, sounding more curious than upset. “You want to do things, you drag the closest person next to you to do it with not really caring if they’re interested.” Jihoon knows he means all the late night snacks and gym training at two in the morning and looks away.

“But in the end it’s worthwhile.’ 

“So is this.” 

“I didn’t say it wasn’t.”

“So what are you whining about?” 

“I’m tired,” he says, eyes closing before he looks at Soonyoung again. “Let’s just continue.” He turns to walk but Soonyoung takes hold of his wrist to stop him and takes a step so they’re right in front of each other. There’s another couple that walks by them and looks at them curiously, Jihoon looks away but Soonyoung keeps looking at him. 

“Are you mad at me?” Soonyoung asks, serious again and Jihoon shakes his head. 

“No,” he turns his face because Soonyoung is crowding him. 

“Do you not want to be here? I can cancel the hotel we can take a train back to Tokyo.” 

“Soonyoung…” 

“Even if I want something and I seem like I won’t change my mind, you can talk to me,” he tells him, thumb running along the soft skin of Jihoon’s wrist. 

“I know that. I’m just complaining, ignore me.” 

“I don’t want to ignore you. It’s important to me that you enjoy this trip as well… It’s not just for me.” 

Jihoon looks at him for a few seconds before he looks away again because people are passing and this feels too intimate. “Okay,” he mutters finally, then tugs his arm out of Soonyoung’s grip. “Let’s go climb your mountain.”

They climb quietly for a while, letting people pass between them until they’re in a grove alone and Jihoon takes the quick opportunity to take hold of Soonyoung’s shirt and pull him down for a kiss. When he pulls away Soonyoung is blinking, confused. 

“I’m not mad at you,” Jihoon repeats. “And I’m happy I have you in my life to pull me out of my comfort zone, okay?” 

Soonyoung flushes prettily at his words. “Okay,” he replies quietly and Jihoon lets him go and this time when they keep climbing Soonyoung is loud again, animated, taking pictures of everything around them and when he makes Jihoon laugh he makes sure to snap a picture of that, too. 

♡

“There’s nothing here.” 

“Well… I assumed there would be a view or something.” 

“There isn’t.” 

“...” 

“So we just climbed for almost two hours for what exactly?” 

“The experience?” 

“I’ll give you a fucking experience.” 

“What?” 

“I’m going back!” 

“Wait Jihoon please take a picture of me with that statue! Jihoon! Come on!!” 

♡

They find Soonyoung’s dad in a coffee shop near the shrine and order a shirokuma to share while Soonyoung’s dad looks through Soonyoung’s pictures. 

“Jihoon-ah, you look handsome in this one,” he shows Jihoon the screen and it’s a picture of him laughing wide at something stupid Soonyoung said and when he looks over at Soonyoung, he’s not meeting his eyes.

“Thank you,” Jihoon mutters and gets up to pick up their shirokuma from the bar. When he gets back Soonyoung has his phone again and they switch topics to ice cream flavors, arguing about sorbets and classic ice cream and how Soonyoung liking mint chocolate ice cream shouldn’t be called a crime (only Soonyoung believes that). 

When their shirokuma is more water than ice they grab a cab to get back to their hotel area and walk around a shopping district and when Jihoon comments that there’s too many people they walk in the quieter streets instead. 

They end up in a small izakaya restaurant and sit in the corner and Soonyoung’s dad orders them three beers and a bunch of skewers and tells them the dinner’s on him. 

“Finally,” Soonyoung mutters while Jihoon gives him a warm thanks.

“You’re not drinking your beer,” Soonyoung’s dad points out when he and Soonyoung are ordering their second pints. 

“Oh… I’m not very good with alcohol,” he admits but takes a small sip to appease him. 

“It’s okay if you don’t drink,” Soonyoung tells him but his dad keeps pressing.

“Not even a little bit?” 

“A little bit is fine.” 

“Dad!”

“He said a little bit is fine!” 

“A little bit _is _fine,” Jihoon assures him. 

“I know, but you don’t need to drink if you don’t want to.”

“Soonyoung-ah, you impress me,” his dad says suddenly and Soonyoung looks over at him in surprise. “Didn’t realize I raised you to be such a gentleman,” he’s teasing but the implication has Jihoon taking three extra sips of beer and Soonyoung pulling away from where their shoulders almost pressed together.. 

“I learned what _not _to do from you.” 

Soonyoung’s dad laughs warmly at that and accepts his second pint offering it to the boys so they can clink their glasses together, taking a huge sip afterwards. Jihoon makes a face, not used to the taste, and Soonyoung’s dad laughs. 

“So Jihoon, what else do you not like?” It’s a genuine question and Jihoon puts his glass down relaxing a little. 

“Well I’m good with most things, but I don’t like food that is too hot.” 

“He puts ice cubes in his ramen, it’s fucking weird!” Soonyoung adds and his dad shushes him while Jihoon looks down at the skewers on the table just so he won’t have to meet anyone’s eyes. 

“I like rice a lot, and I can eat a lot of it. And coke… I drink a lot of coke.”

“Would you like a coke?” Sooonyoung’s dad asks and Jihoon shakes his head. 

“Beer is fine, thank you. I really am okay with drinking a little bit.” 

Soonyoung’s dad nods, pleased, and picks up a chicken skewer taking a bite. 

“What else?” 

Jihoon flushes. “I’m not _that _picky.”

“He’s pretty simple,” Soonyoung adds. “He makes the _best _spicy mixed noodles too. I’m serious.” 

“Better than mom’s?” 

“Okay! Different! Very different,” Soonyoung assures taking another sip and keeps talking about all the things Jihoon has cooked for him and Jihoon keeps quiet and whenever Soonyoung’s dad meets his eyes he smiles warmly at him and Jihoon feels his face hot either from the beer or this hot izakaya or this whole damn situation. Soonyoung won’t shut up about him. There’s no way his parents don’t know and it makes Jihoon want to yell at him to shut up.

When the topic moves to new things like which of their garden vegetables Soonyoung’s mom is learning how to marinate, Jihoon excuses himself. “I need some air,” he says quietly and leaves before the other two say anything. 

The izakaya is on a small street and it’s a Tuesday night, so not too many people around but still more than Jihoon would expect to see in the middle of the week. He takes a deep breath and leans on the wall by the restaurant, fringe falling into his eyes when he dips his head. 

“Jihoon,” he hears after a minute and really he expected Soonyoung to follow him so it’s not a surprise. “You okay?” Jihoon nods and doesn’t reply. “It’s hot in there,” Soonyoung says for him. “Did I talk too much about you?” He asks after a minute and Jihoon looks up at him. 

“You always do, idiot,” he mutters softly and Soonyoung’s lips stretch into a small smile. He’s not sorry. _Idiot_, Jihoon thinks again. “And now you’re here,” he says.

“I wanted to see if you’re okay.”

“Your dad definitely knows,” Jihoon says and Soonyoung looks away, leaning on the wall beside him. 

“Yeah…” 

“You should talk to him about it,” Jihoon keeps pushing. 

“I will, when the time is right.”

“When will that be?” 

“When I decide it is,” Soonyoung’s voice is final and he watches him with serious eyes as if reminding Jihoon of their earlier conversation. 

“Clearly he doesn’t have a problem with it since you keep spewing endless crap about me all the fucking time,” it takes him a moment to realize how rude that sounded, especially when Soonyoung stays completely silent. 

“Well, come in when you feel better, okay?” Soonyoung’s voice is soft, softer than what Jihoon deserves and Jihoon nods watching Soonyoung go back inside. When he’s alone he sighs, a little mad at himself. They don’t usually argue but the stress of this trip is clearly too much for Jihoon to handle maturely. 

He takes out his phone for distraction and finds some texts outside of their regular group chat. 

Seungcheol > yooo wanted to go to that game place we talked abt but vernon said ure not around?

Jeonghan > u and hoshi escaped? How cute ~ 

Vernon > maybe next time let me know when u decide to run away hyung… i dont know what to tell people and btw waking up at ten in the morning with you already up and gone was worrying enough

Jihoon wants to laugh at the last one but nothing about this is really that funny. 

To Vernon > sorry you’re right. I’m fine don’t worry

To Seungcheol > soonyoung’s dad invited me on a trip with them.. Sorry it was really last minute

He ignores Jeonghan ready to pocket his phone to go back inside but another text comes in.

Seungcheol > yeah i figured when shua mentioned hoshi was gone… that’s cute though i hope you have fun. Rest a lot! Send pics! 

Jihoon stares at the text and in a split of a moment decides to call Seungcheol and before he changes his mind the phone call is answered. 

“You’re calling? When’s the last time this happened?” Cheol laughs. “Is something wrong?” He asks when Jihoon doesn’t say anything.

“I’m fine,” he says quietly. “I don’t know why I called…” 

“Where’s Soonyoung?”

“We’re at dinner, he’s inside with his dad.” 

“I can’t believe you guys went on a trip together with his _dad_,” he laughs again. “Where are you guys even?” 

“Kyoto.” 

“Kyoto?!” 

Jihoon can’t help but laugh at his reaction. “Yeah?”

“Dude! Kyoto is like three hours away, what the fuck, I thought you went to Yokohama or something. How did they even let you go?” 

“I don’t know. Soonyoung talked to the managers and since we’re with his dad they were okay with it.” 

“That’s insane,” Cheol repeats. “That guy is crazy sometimes I swear. He didn’t even talk to me.”

“Sorry…"

“What are you apologizing for? Soonyoung’s the little shit taking care of his own business behind my back…” Then he pauses. “Maybe next time I’ll go on a trip with Minsun.” 

“That’s different,” Jihoon argues.

“How’s that different?” 

“She’s your girlfriend.” 

Seungcheol silence drives a point and Jihoon’s heart beats hard in his chest. “We’re here with Soonyoung’s dad,” he adds quickly. “It’s like… A family trip.” 

Seungcheol pauses again. “Family trip, right.” 

“Seungcheol,” Jihoon says and hates how his voice sounds pleading. _Please don’t make me talk about this_. 

He hears a sigh before Seungcheol speaks. “Is it fun at least?” 

“It’s good,” Jihoon says softly. 

“You don’t sound convincing.” 

“I’m stressed, to be honest,” _because Soonyoung’s dad looks at me like he approves of me and Soonyoung treats me so well I don’t know if I deserve it_. “We might get recognized.”

“So what? Just say you’re on a family trip,” Cheol says and Jihoon hears rustling in the background. 

“Fans can be…” Jihoon starts but doesn’t finish and Cheol sighs again. 

“Listen, Jihoon. You and Soonyoung have been together for nine years, best friends or whatever, right? What’s so weird about you taking a trip with your best friend and his _dad_. You need to relax, unless you do something obvious there’s nothing people have the right to speculate about.” 

_Unless you do something obvious_. They’re circling so much around the topic Jihoon feels sick to his stomach. 

“I don’t think I’m good at this,” Jihoon adds quietly, it’s like Seungcheol is cracking patiently on his shell and slowly it’s falling apart. 

“Jihoon… You can tell me anything you know? Like really. Anything.” 

“Yeah.” 

“And I think knowing you, you’re probably stressed and lashing out a little and Soonyoung knows that better than anyone. He can take it too.” 

“Yeah…” 

“So relax, enjoy your trip, alright? Soonyoung knows how to handle you and Soonyoung knows how to handle fans so don’t worry about anything. Just have a good time.” 

Jihoon nods realizing Seungcheol can’t hear that so he says a thank you instead. 

“No problem. Now stop being in the phone and go enjoy your dinner. Jeez. Also next time let me know before you disappear! Tell Soonyoung I’m mad at him too!” 

Jihoon laughs, feeling better. “Okay. Have a good night.” 

“You too. Both of you. Stay safe, alright? I’m happy you can enjoy this time together,” he adds before hanging up and Jihoon lets out a breath of all the anxiety stuck in his chest. 

“Alright,” he mutters to himself, pocketing his phone and going inside when he sits down he smiles apologetically. “Sorry, it’s stuffy in here.” 

Soonyoung’s dad nods understanding and moves the plate of the last skewer towards him and Jihoon mutters a thank you, taking it. Soonyoung seems stiff but it’s hard to tell unless you know him as well as Jihoon does, though Jihoon assumes his dad can also tell. 

When he’s done with his skewer he asks Soonyoung to pass him a napkin and Soonyoung does and when his hands and mouth are clean and Soonyoung’s dad is asking for the bill he tugs on Soonyoung’s pinky under the table watching him relax instantly. 

They go outside while Soonyoung’s dad pays, leaning on the same wall as before. 

“Soonyoung,” Jihoon says after a quiet moment. 

“Hmm?”

“Thank you.” 

Soonyoung glances at him before looking away again. “Thank my dad, he’s paying.” 

Jihoon lets out a soft snort and tugs on his belt buckle. “Soonyoung,” he says again and Soonyoung looks over at him. “I love you,” he tells him quietly and Soonyoung flushes looking quickly away. 

“That’s unfair.”

“Why?” 

“It just is.” Jihoon smiles at Soonyoung’s pouting and Soonyoung looks at his smile before sighing. “I hate you.”

“You don’t.” 

“Of course I don’t, smartass,” Soonyoung tries to be serious, but his voice is shaking. 

“Are you going to cry?” 

“No!”

Jihoon wants to press against him, maybe hug him a little, maybe lean close and whisper those three words again and again warmly in his ear but Soonyoung’s dad comes out so he does none of that. 

“Shall we?” He asks and Soonyoung looks at Jihoon before he answers him, and something about the gaze seems to reflect his own. Want, need, love. He doesn’t know how to explain it, but it makes him smile. 

“Yeah, let’s go.” 

♡

They walk to the hotel and Soonyoung wants to stop by a convenience store so they separate at the lobby and Jihoon joins him to the store. 

“Hungry?” Jihoon teases. 

“A little,” Soonyoung admits. “Also I just love these places.” He picks out some chips, a bag of chocolates and two cokes, one lemon and the other regular before he pays ignoring that Jihoon didn’t want him to buy anything for him. “Wanna go to the river?” Soonyoung asks when they’re outside and Jihoon kind of just wants to go to bed but he lets Soonyoung lead them towards the river and down the stairs to the riverbank. There are plenty of restaurants around and people sitting by the water, enough that two more people in the late evening shouldn’t stand out. Jihoon relaxes. 

Soonyoung opens the bag of chips first, then passes Jihoon a coke who reluctantly accepts it. 

“You’re welcome.” 

“I didn’t ask for it,” Jihoon says and Soonyoung smiles while he tries to read the name of the chip flavor in katakana. 

“Spicy pizza,” he says finally and offers Jihoon the bag.

“No thanks.” 

“Okay,” Soonyoung turns to face the river, cracking the coke open between his knees, arms leaning on them. They’re quiet for a few minutes the only noise around them comes from the restaurants up on street level, groups of friends around them and Soonyoung’s leisurely chewing of his chips. 

“I think I’ll tell him,” Soonyoung says finally. “This trip.” 

Jihoon takes a sip of his coke finally. “Do you want to do it together?” 

Soonyoung’s head swivels in surprise. “No… No, it’s okay,” he smiles back at his can and Jihoon can’t breathe for a moment. It almost hurts to look at him, the soft curve of his cheek, the small nose, the lidded eyes and his lips that tug upwards, a shadow of a smile. He’s so pretty, Jihoon thinks, and as if sensing his words Soonyoung looks sideways at him and his smile widens. “Who did you talk to?” He asks and Jihoon blinks out of his stupor. 

“What do you mean?” 

“An hour ago you’re telling me I’m a coward for not telling my dad, but now you want to do it with me.” 

“I never called you a coward.” 

“Your tone did.” 

Jihoon swallows. “I’m sorry about that.” 

“No worries. I know this trip is stressful enough, I didn’t need to add all this either. Should’ve just told him a long time ago,” he’s not looking at Jihoon anymore, but at the river ahead. Jihoon follows his gaze, watching the moon reflect on the bank and a small leaf travel down the water. 

“Seungcheol,” he says then.

“Hmm,” Soonyoung nods. He’s not surprised. “What did he say?” 

“That he’s mad at us, especially at you.” Soonyoung chuckles at that, but doesn’t respond. “He said I shouldn’t worry, that worst case even if we get recognized you’ll be able to deal with it even if I don’t know how.”

“He has a lot of faith in me.”

“So do I.” Soonyoung’s lips purse, but then he meets Jihoon’s eyes smiling softly. 

“Thanks.” 

“Yeah…” Jihoon is close to him, turned on his step so that he can face Soonyoung better and he can see Soonyoung wanting to reach for him, eyes glancing down at his lips, but he turns away before he does anything. 

“How do you think your parents will respond?” Jihoon asks all of a sudden and Soonyoung doesn’t move for a moment, save for his thumb scratching lightly the top of his can. 

“I think they’re going to be okay with it… Maybe not too glad about the gay part, but I think they know I’m happy and they’ve always been simple like that, making sure I’m happy,” he says, then glances at Jihoon. “I’m happiest when I’m with you.” 

Jihoon watches him for a moment until his head simply falls onto Soonyoung’s shoulder and he doesn’t move for a long minute and Soonyoung stays quiet, only moving to wrap an arm around Jihoon when he presses closer. 

“You’re supposed to say you’re happiest when you’re in Seventeen.”

“That’s a different type of happy. My happiness on stage is different from the happiness I feel with you,” he can feel Soonyoung’s jaw moving and leans away slightly to look at him. “Like… On stage, I feel like a different person? I feel invincible, I feel like… Hoshi. Like i was born to be on that stage and feel those lights on my face and the audience around me… I feed off of it, I can’t explain it.” 

“I know what you mean,” Jihoon mutters quietly and Soonyoung looks at him momentarily before nodding. 

“Exactly. It’s a whole other experience. With you… It just doesn’t feel as dramatic?” Jihoon snorts at that and Soonyoung looks at him, wide eyed. “Okay, I don’t mean it like that. I just mean it’s simple – I look at you, and I feel like…” Jihoon sees Soonyoung’s hands squeezing the can and stays patient. “I feel calm? I feel happy. I feel like… I feel like I found my place, like truly _my _place. I can be on stage for hours, but I will get tired. But with you… I won’t get tired of you. I just want to be with you all the time and I can see myself retiring, opening a farm, just being Soonyoung, but I can’t see myself without you.” 

Jihoon stays silent and when Soonyoung glances at him again he’s aware that his eyes are burning. 

“Jihoon…"

“Shut up,” Jihoon whispers, eyes closing as he leans his forehead on Soonyoung’s shoulder again. “Just shut up.” 

Soonyoung stills underneath him then carefully pushes Jihoon away putting his chips back into the plastic bag. 

“Let’s go home,” he says quietly and Jihoon shakes his head, hand tight in Soonyoung’s shirt sleeve that Soonyoung has no choice but to stay sitting. He’s quiet, waiting for Jihoon to say something, but Jihoon can tell he’s antsy because he keeps fidgeting but Jihoon just genuinely does not know how to respond. 

“I really hate you sometimes Kwon Hoshi,” he says finally. His voice is small and shaking and he hates that he sounds so weak. “Every time you start talking like that I feel like you’ve made some great mistake. Like maybe you don’t really understand what kind of person I am.”

“That’s not-” 

“Let me talk, just for a second,” he says, eyes closing. “I can’t think straight when you tell me all these things.” Soonyoung stays quiet, waiting and Jihoon takes a deep breath before opening his eyes again. Soonyoung is watching him, dark fringe waving around his forehead. He’s so fucking pretty. “We talk a lot about this, you know, our forevers.”

“Yeah…” 

“Three years ago I would’ve laughed if you told me that I’ll only want you forever, but now I close my eyes and I just see you. It’s ridiculous and it’s exhausting, and I feel like you should not have to settle for someone like me.” Soonyoung tries not to roll his eyes but he stops himself. “I feel like I must be some genius that I’ve deceived you into thinking I’m someone great.” 

“For what it’s worth, I’m glad you did.” 

“You’re very good to me Soonyoung. Endlessly, both your words and actions.”

“And you aren’t?” Soonyoung sound surprised. “You keep complaining that only I take care of you, as if you don’t _always _take care of me.” Before Jihoon can speak Soonyoung turns to face him. “When I’m sick, you’re the one who’s around. When I want to write a song, you walk me through every step. You check practice rooms before you leave the studio to make sure I’m not there. You forced me to go to the gym with you when you knew I wasn’t confident with my body. You double check on me and you watch out for me and you laugh at all my stupid jokes!” Jihoon does laugh at that. “Exactly.”

It’s not a warm night, but Jihoon feels warmth on his face and where his knee presses against Soonyoung’s thigh. Soonyoung’s own face is painted pink and he looks down at Jihoon’s hand between them before he takes hold of it. 

“You’re the best person in my life, Jihoon,” Soonyoung says, meeting his eyes. “I chose you, okay? Please believe that matters.”

“Of course I do,” Jihoon whispers. 

“Good,” Soonyoung raises his hand and turns it over to kiss his palm tenderly, right in the center. “Now let’s go home.”

They don’t hold hands when they walk to the hotel. They don’t hold hands in the lobby or the elevator but when they’re back in their room Jihoon kisses Soonyoung against the door of their number and Soonyoung drops their convenience store bag right in the entrance walking Jihoon backwards towards their bed. 

“You have a pretty mouth, Soonyoung,” Jihoon whispers when he’s on the soft pillows and Soonyoung is smiling, kissing his cheeks, his forehead and right atop his eyes. “A mouth for pretty kisses and a mouth full of pretty words,” he breathes out when Soonyoung moans, thigh pressing between his and Jihoon sighs, head falling back when Soonyoung’s mouth travels south. 

His shirt is pulled off and then his pants and then Soonyoung’s mouth is hot and everywhere and all Jihoon can do is breathe loudly, legs spreading and fingers tangling in soft red hair. Soonyoung kisses with a mix of care and passion, enough that there’s a hint of teeth that stings and a warm tongue that soothes and soft lips that finish the touch as he pulls away to find a new spot, fingers digging in Jihoon’s inner thighs as he spreads him apart, Jihoon hard against his chest. 

“How do you want to do it, Jihoonie?” He asks against his underwear, sucking on his dick through the cotton before he pulls away and stares up at him. Jihoon breathes heavily, hips twitching upwards and he shakes his head. 

“I don’t care,” he says. “Just don’t stop.” 

“Hmm,” Soonyoung hums, lips pressing against his hard-on and Jihoon bites his lip pushing his hips into Soonyoung’s face. Soonyoung laughs and pushes himself up, hands digging into Jihoon’s thighs. “I want to fuck you then,” he says with a smile and Jihoon meets his eyes before he closes them again and pushes Soonyoung’s head down. 

“Go ahead.” 

Soonyoung’s quick and eager, he’s always been. He pulls Jihoon’s underwear off immediately then gets off the bed to strip and grab a bottle of lube from his bag and comes back, kissing Jihoon deeply and flipping him over so he can pull up his ass for better access. 

Jihoon feels Soonyoung’s cold lubed finger at his hole before he can really process what is happening. He pushes his face into a pillow and groans when Soonyoung puts it in all the way to the last knuckle, moving it a little and taking it out to add two at the same time. 

“Shit,” Jihoon groans. “What’s the fucking rush?” 

“The fucking,” Soonyoung snickers and scissors quickly enough to have Jihoon gasping against the sheets. “You know if we had already roomed together I wouldn’t even have to sit here stretching your tight ass, could’ve just fucked you and been done with it.” 

Jihoon almost laughs. “Don’t pretend like you don’t enjoy this,” his face is buried in his forearms and he kind of hates being on his knees but Soonyoung’s fingers move quickly inside of him that it kind of feels good too, dick leaking slightly between his legs. 

Soonyoung takes the fingers out for a second before putting them in, now with a third one. 

“Soonyoung,” Jihoon moans, and feels Soonyoung’s nose rub into his ass cheek. 

“Mm?” 

“Just keep going,” Jihoon pants and pushes against his fingers. “Fuck, please touch me…” He’s flipped over before he can stroke himself and he’s on his back staring at the ceiling when he feels Soonyoung grab his dick so he can redirect it to his mouth and he starts sucking, quickly, fuck, so fucking quickly. 

Jihoon’s forearm is pressed against his eyes and his other hand holds Soonyoung tightly between his legs as he sucks him off and his fingers continue to stretch his hole.

“We could’ve done this every day,” Soonyoung says in between hot kisses along his dick. 

“Right,” Jihoon murmurs. “Every day. Along with all our concerts.” 

“Post concert sex is good, you know it is.”

“Sex after a little while is good too,” Jihoon pants and Soonyoung finishes with one long lick from the base of his dick all the way up where he sucks on his tip before he lets go positioning himself on his knees. 

“Any sex with you is good,” he says taking his fingers out and wiping them off the sheets before he lifts Jihoon’s hips up a little for easier access.

“You flatter me,” Jihoon smiles lazily and Soonyoung’s smile back is feral.

“Love you,” he says, before he positions himself and thrusts in and doesn't stop until Jihoon is stroking himself furiously while one of Soonyoung’s hands holds his hips and the other tangles with Jihoon’s against the pillows. He’s panting above him lips swollen and close to the skin of his shoulder kissing occasionally, biting, licking the sweat that rolls off his neck and Jihoon has his eyes closed tight as he pants out that he’s close.

“Come on,” Soonyoung mutters to his cheek. “Don’t hold back, I want to hear you.”

Jihoon’s hips twitch up into his hand and to meet Soonyoung’s thrusts and he throws his head back to gasp Soonyoung’s name when he comes and feels Soonyoung’s teeth brush against his throat as he pulls out of Jihoon to stroke himself, coming all over his stomach with a loud gasp. He keeps stroking himself a little while after, while Jihoon wipes his hand off the sheets.

“I hate when you do that, by the way,” he mutters and Soonyoung chuckles lightly before kissing up his stomach, licking clean as he goes. “Okay that’s even more gross,” Jihoon whines trying to push him off and Soonyoung laughs for real, falling atop of him, smile boring into his neck. He’s definitely cuddly post-sex, arms going around him and Jihoon twists to help them encircle him. 

“Jihoonie,” Soonyoung mutters close to his neck, nose pressing into his jaw. Jihoon brushes his hair away from his forehead and Soonyoung nuzzles closer. 

“Mhhmm?” 

“Love you,” he says again and Jihoon pinches his cheek. Soonyoung looks up at that, leaning his forearm by Jihoon’s face so he can pull up slightly. “Come shower with me,” he whispers and kisses him on his cheek. “Sorry for making you dirty.” 

“You’re not sorry,” Jihoon mutters but lets Soonyoung pull him up. 

“Not really,” Soonyoung grins kissing him again before dragging him to the bathroom and somehow convincing Jihoon to let him fuck him again.

♡

They wake up around ten the next day – or more like Soonyoung wakes Jihoon up by throwing a leg too strongly over him and kneeing him in the balls. 

“Shit,” Jihoon curses, curling into himself and away from Soonyoung. Soonyoung has his cheek pressed against shoulder but he doesn’t wake up, snoring cutely by his ear. “Soonyoung,” Jihoon whines, eyes still closed as he tries to elbow Soonyoung away. 

“Mmmm?”

“You’re crowding me.” 

“Mmmm?” He says, a bit higher, lips pressing against the warm skin of his arm. “Morning,” he says arm somehow sneaking around Jihoon’s waist as he presses closer. 

“You woke me up, dumbass,” Jihoon is pouting, refusing to turn around but Soonyoung sneaks under his arm anyway to look at his face. 

“Sorry,” he tells him quietly, and Jihoon has no choice to absentmindedly card his fingers through Soonyoung’s hair and Soonyoung’s pleasant hum has Jihoon thinking maybe all of this was on purpose. “My dad wants to meet downstairs for breakfast,” he says laying back down on Jihoon’s waist. 

“When?” 

“I don’t know, but I bet he’s been up for a while,” Soonyoung says and Jihoon glances at the clock by the TV where it says that it’s a bit after ten. 

“After that mountain though…” He starts and Soonyoung pinches him lightly. 

“Stop being dramatic about that.” 

“Stop telling me what to do.” 

“Let’s go to get breakfast, Jihoonie.” 

“Hmpf.” 

They shower quickly, separately, and get dressed in casual clothes to go down for breakfast. Soonyoung had texted his father earlier and he was right, he had already eaten breakfast at eight in the morning and was already at some shrine on the other side of the river. 

“He said we should join him if we want,” Soonyoung pockets his phone in the elevator and Jihoon shrugs. 

“Whatever you want.” 

“Whatever _you _want.” They stare at each other until the elevator arrives at the lobby and walk to breakfast in silence. They don’t talk until they’re sitting across from each other, Jihoon with a bowl of rice and miso soup while Soonyoung took a little of everything from the buffet. 

“Are we going to be fighting again today?” Soonyoung asks taking a bite of his sausage. 

“We’re fighting?” Jihoon asks, kind of disappointed that Soonyoung thinks this is a fight. 

“I don’t know. You’re quiet.” 

“I’m often quiet.”

“I’m trying to please you here.” 

“Your worrying isn’t pleasing. I’m good with anything.”

Soonyoung watches him for a moment. “Okay, so let’s join my dad?”   
  
“Okay,” Jihoon shrugs taking a large bite of his plain rice and Soonyoung sighs which makes Jihoon laugh.

“Are you that afraid of me?” 

“I’m not afraid of you! Just want you to enjoy yourself.” 

“I am,” Jihoon says looking at him. “Don’t worry about me, okay? As long as you’re there, I’ll be fine.” Soonyoung smiles, blushing lightly. “I only say that because it’s awkward to be left alone with your dad,” Jihoon adds just to see Soonyoung’s smile fall. “Kidding,” he grins and Soonyoung sputters at him for the rest of breakfast while Jihoon laughs, hot miso in his mouth and endless warmth in his belly. 

♡

They walk across the river later through a busy shopping street and meet Soonyoung’s dad in a coffee shop outside a large park. 

“There are monkeys here too,” he tells Jihoon when they walk up some stairs to reach the gardens. “Reckon we’ll see one?”

“I hope so,” Jihoon mutters looking up at the trees and Soonyoung’s dad laughs. 

“You’re crazy, it says they attack people,” Soonyoung tells him across his father in between them.

“Only if I take pictures, I’m not the one snapping my phone at everything.” 

“For the memories!” Soonyoung defends and his dad laughs clearly enjoying this. 

“Do you want me to take a picture of you two?” 

“Yes!”

“No.” Jihoon says at the same time and Soonyoung looks at him for a moment before he shrugs at his dad. 

“Hmm,” his dad says looking over at Jihoon too. “Alright, let me know if you want one.” 

“Can you take a picture of us then?” Soonyoung says stopping and Jihoon nods taking his phone while the other two position themselves in front of a little pond. It’s a cute picture, the sun is high above them, in the spring the trees are extra green and there’s still some cherry blossoms from a few weeks ago. He takes a few photos before he hands the phone back and watches the others look over them before they nod okay. 

They walk around the park for a little while, the cicadas are loud but otherwise no screaming monkeys. Jihoon is a bit disappointed but Soonyoung is clearly glad he doesn’t have to fight off any animals (at least he pretends he’d be that brave). When they’ve seen enough trees they walk back towards the quieter area and through some streets to a big shrine nearby. 

“There’s less people here,” Soonyoung’s dad points out. “We should pray.”

“Oh, I’m not religious.” 

“We aren’t either. But we're not really doing it for the religion,” Soonyoung’s dad says. “Just a good mental exercise.” 

Jihoon feels a bit humbled and Soonyoung smiles at him before they head up the stairs and each throw a coin and Jihoon takes a moment as he bows, one he hasn’t in a long time, to pray for himself, his family, Seventeen, and maybe he prays a little for the boy next to him too and for this beautiful and dangerous thing they’ve created between them and hopes with his whole heart that it lasts a while longer. 

When he straightens out clapping twice Soonyoung and his dad are done already and they smile at him as he descends the stairs. 

“Long prayer?” Soonyoung asks and Jihoon shoves him lightly. 

“That’s private,” he says and Soonyoung’s dad backs him up.

“Worry about yourself,” he says. “Your prayer lasted a second.” 

“All my dreams have already come true,” Soonyoung grins and Jihoon rolls his eyes.

“As if, you were whining about daesangs just last week.” 

Soonyoung blushes. “Now _that’s _also unfair! Don't tell people about my dreams!”

“I thought you didn’t have any.” 

“Not any I’m concerned with right now!” 

“Oh? Is that someone else’s dream then? Who are you right now then?” 

“Just Soonyoung.” 

“Simple.”

“Very.”

“You two are funny,” Soonyoung’s dad says smiling at them. Soonyoung sticks out his tongue but Jihoon flushes.

“Let’s find somewhere to eat,” Soonyoung says pulling out his phone and while he’s looking around Google Maps some girls approach them.

“I think you were recognized,” Soonyoung’s dad mutters and Jihoon tries not to stare at the girls too much like he’s some deer in the headlights. 

“Hoshi-sama!” There’s three of them, but they all say his name together and then look over at Jihoon and one of them even blushes. “Woozi-sama,” they tell him bowing then say some words in Japanese that Soonyoung somehow catches because he giggles kindly and responds saying something about a family holiday (he says that part in english). 

The girls nod understanding and ask for a picture but Soonyoung shakes his head apologizing so the girls ask for an autograph instead band Soonyoung grins with a nod and signs their papers and Jihoon does after them. The girls even ask for Soonyoung’s dad’s autograph which Jihoon can tell he really enjoyed. 

They say a few other things Soonyoung somehow responds to and Jihoon can only catch a few stray words but he’s too anxious to even try and be too friendly. 

“Osaka con?” Soonyoung asks and Jihoon swallows smiling politely at one of the girls who keeps staring at him. “We’ll see you there then,” Soonyoung smiles and the girls nod giggling before they wave goodbye and leave. 

“I guess it really was too empty here,” Soonyoung’s dad says after a second but Soonyoung is too busy watching Jihoon to make sure he’s okay.

“I’m fine,” he says because Soonyoung knows not to ask especially in front of his dad. “But people will know we’re here now,” he adds and Soonyoung sighs. 

“I guess we should do at least something else before we hole up at the hotel.”

“Bamboo forest?” His dad suggests and because they got recognized they take a cab there and Jihoon ignores that the girls are sitting on a bench by the vending machine taking pictures of them and tries to stay as far away from Soonyoung as possible as they walk to the car. 

The Bamboo Forest is pretty but Jihoon really can’t care for it right now, not when he’s looking around constantly to make sure nobody else recognizes them. He takes out his phone for a second and sees a group chat notification because Chan sent a photo he found on twitter. After that there’s nothing but his vocal unit group chat has three messages.

Seungkwan > unbelievable

Seokmin > U HAVE NO SHAMEEEEEE

Jeonghan > at least tell someone

Jihoon pockets his phone and decides Joshua is the only one getting lines next comeback. 

“You’re quiet,” Soonyoung comments as he comes near him. 

“I’m trying to process what happened,” Jihoon says honestly. 

“Take your time. It’ll be fine. The girls were nice, they were more interested where Jeonghan was.” 

“One of them was my fan.” 

“Yeah, I noticed that,” Soonyoung grins. “Cute.”

Jihoon sighs, running his hand through his hair. “You’re stressing me out, get me a coke,” he says. “Please.”

Soonyoung laughs and goes to get one while Jihoon watches Soonyoung’s dad take intricate photos of the bamboo, or as close as he can get to it. When Soonyoung gets back he passes him the coke while he opens a Pocari Sweat for himself. 

“Now that people know we’re here together, can we take a picture?” He asks after he takes a few sips and Jihoon gives him a long stare before he sighs. 

“Fine,” he agrees and Soonyoung lights up entirely. 

They take one in the grove of the forest where sunlight falls between the bamboo enough that the photo is well lit but not enough where it’s blinding. It’s a cute photo, Jihoon thinks when he looks at it after. Soonyoung stands next to him, arm over Jihoon’s shoulders and grins happily, his other hand with a thumbs up. Jihoon smiles, tightlipped and slightly awkward but in the second photo he smiles a little wider because Soonyoung said he bets he isn’t smiling at all. 

Jihoon thanks Soonyoung’s dad for taking the picture and walks ahead back to the main street where they can catch a cab home. 

“You two done for today then?” 

“I kind of want to rest,” Jihoon admits. “Sorry,” he bows lightly and Soonyoung’s dad shakes his head. 

“No worries. I understand.” He senses that Soonyoung is trying to communicate with Jihoon through his eyes alone and clears his throat. “I need to get some cash,” he points at the convenience store near them. “I’ll be right back.” 

“Sorry,” Jihoon says first and Soonyoung sits on a stone half wall next to them. 

“Don’t worry about it. I might go hang out with him for a bit, if that’s okay.” 

“Of course,” Jihoon wonders if he’s going to tell him and Soonyoung looks away clearly not inviting that conversation. 

“I’ll take you to the hotel first,” he says looking back at him. 

“I can get home myself.” 

“I want to, it’s fine. We’ll drop you off on our way to wherever.” Soonyoung’s dad comes back before Jihoon can refuse and insists on the same. 

Jihoon is dropped off at the hotel and Soonyoung passes him their key before he and his dad continue to some other temple East of Kyoto. In the room Jihoon doesn’t do much, he didn’t even bring anything with him. He plays on his phone for a bit, watches TV, texts some people but nobody really replies. He considers uploading some pictures on his Instagram and goes for a few old ones from a photoshoot they did a few months ago, sending it to the managers first so they can get approved. By six he’s bored and he texts Soonyoung a question mark and falls asleep again before he gets a reply. 

♡

He wakes up to a knock on the door and realizes that he has the only key. Looking over at the clock, he sees that it’s almost eight in the evening.

It takes him a moment and a groan before he gets up to open the door but instead of Soonyoung it’s his dad.

“Oh,” Jihoon says clearing his throat and straightening out. “Good evening.”

“Is Soonyoung-ah here?” His dad asks. “He won’t answer his phone and I was wondering about dinner.”

Jihoon frowns. “I thought he was with you.”

“We separated about an hour ago,” Soonyoung’s dad sighs, running a hand through his mostly balding head. Jihoon stands awkwardly watching him. 

“Umm.. I’ll see if he texted me,” he says finally and goes to his bed to check his phone. Soonyoung’s dad comes in quietly after him and doesn’t say anything until Jihoon shows him an empty screen. “Do you know where he might’ve went?” He asks, trying not to feel too nervous. Part of him doesn’t like the sound of this, sure, but there’s another part of him that knows well that Soonyoung can take care of himself. 

“No…” Soonyoung’s dad is still for a moment before he looks up at Jihoon. “He told me,” he says and Jihoon feels cold. “About you two.” _You didn’t need to elaborate_, Jihoon wants to tell him but he stays silent. “Don’t look worried, I’m okay with you two being together. I guessed a long time ago anyway,” he adds when Jihoon doesn’t speak. “He’s very fixated on you.” 

Jihoon swallows, still not knowing how to reply. His phone is squeezed tightly in his hand and he feels sweat stick to his back. 

“I’m sorry,” he whispers, because he doesn’t know what else to say and Soonyoung’s dad’s eyes soften. 

“Why are you sorry, Jihoon-ah?” He asks softly. “You make my son very happy, I should be thanking you.”

Jihoon doesn’t meet his eyes, staring at the bed duvet instead. He feels in between exploding or disappearing without trace all he knows is that he wants to escape whatever moment he has entered in the space time continuum. _Get me out of here_.

“I’ll go to my room for a bit, I’m sure you have a way to find Soonyoung,” he says taking the few steps to the door. “He probably prefers being found by you.” He chuckles, like he had just made some funny joke and Jihoon stays silent as he watches Soonyoung’s dad leave the room and doesn’t move until a few minutes after. 

The breath he lets out is shaky. It unravels him, from inside out, and almost makes him go down to his knees. He does sit on the bed, taking a few deep breaths and after he feels like his heart rate is normal again he leaves the room to see if he can find Soonyoung. 

He was going to text him but he has a good guess as to where to find him anyway so he stops by a 7/11 to grab a few drinks and heads to the river bank near their hotel, the one they sat at the night before. He walks along the walkway and finds Soonyoung a little farther down sitting quietly by the water, watching the river move by. If he’s surprised when Jihoon joins him, he doesn’t show it. Jihoon passes him a cherry coke and Soonyoung accepts it, but otherwise doesn’t speak. 

“Your dad told me,” Jihoon says finally, because the moon is high now and he’s getting hungry and he knows this silence won’t get them anywhere. “Was it bad?” 

Soonyoung looks down at the pebbles at his feet and shakes his head. 

“How was it?” 

“Good,” Soonyoung says quietly. “Very good. He’s happy for us.” 

Jihoon nods and after a moment lays his head tentatively on Soonyoung’s shoulder, lips pressing into the fabric of his shirt before he pulls away. 

“What’s wrong then?” He asks, voice gentle. 

“Nothing. I’m fine.” Jihoon waits and lets Soonyoung think through his words. “Just wanted to be alone for a moment.” 

“It’s been almost two hours.” 

“It was a long moment.” 

Jihoon nods, but knows Soonyoung isn’t done explaining himself. 

“It just felt weird talking to my dad about it. Being in love, and being in love with a guy and the guy being you. I’m fine though, really. Just… Let’s go get dinner or something. I’m starving.” 

“I think your dad wanted to join,” Jihoon says and Soonyoung lets out a small sigh as he fetches out his phone. “We don’t have to go anywhere if you don’t want.”

“It’s fine, I’m hungry,” he tells him and gets up, his cherry coke can still closed. He reaches for Jihoon’s plastic bag but Jihoon pulls away taking his can instead to put in inside. _I’m carrying this_, he tells him with his eyes and Soonyoung sighs again before looking away. 

Dinner is a little awkward. They go to a yakiniku place and grill some meat and Soonyoung’s dad is clearly trying to clear the atmosphere but Soonyoung is more quiet than usual and Jihoon just feels uncomfortable. 

He wouldn’t have gone, he thinks. He prefers avoiding this type of atmosphere but if they hadn’t done this the awkwardness would only grow worse. Like a bandaid, they need to rip it off. 

“Since I know now,” Soonyoung’s dad asks after his third pint of beer, staring right at Jihoon. “Tell me, is my son a good boyfriend?” 

Jihoon’s mouth hangs open for a moment and he blinks a little owlishly at Soonyoung’s dad and back at Soonyoung. “Um… He’s great. Really… He’s caring and he pays attention,” he says shyly toying around with the last of his rice between meeting Soonyoung’s dad’s curious gaze. “When he confessed to me, he was really sick and it’s always kind of funny to see him sputter around when he tries to be too honest, he can say really deep things but he can be quite simple, too.” Jihoon doesn’t have to look at him to know Soonyoung is blushing. 

“You know it’s funny,” Soonyoung’s dad says taking a large sip of his beer and Soonyoung does too, still not meeting Jihoon’s eyes. “Growing up Soonyoung-ah would pride himself in being a knight in shining armor and his future wife’s prince,” Jihoon tenses at that and Soonyoung seems to glare at his dad too. “Of course things change along the way… I think unfortunately it’s only natural many kids growing up not to consider same gender options when thinking of who to marry at age six. But Soonyoung was always energetic about it, loud, enthusiastic, proud… But with you he seems mature. And calm, like he really understands what being in love means… That it doesn’t have to be loud and dramatic all the time but can be simple and straightforward, too.” He takes another big sip and both Jihoon and Soonyoung stay quiet. “You two are very cute,” he says with a warm smile. “I’m really rooting for you, your mom and I have for a while now,” he tells Soonyoung and Soonyoung puts his head on his palm and faces away from Jihoon and Jihoon, in a moment of pure delight pats Soonyoung’s thigh under the table and pinches his knee just to have Soonyoung look back and glare so Jihoon can see his reddened cheeks. 

“Like I said,” Soonyoung’s dad tells them with the last sip of his beer. “Cute.” 

♡

The walk back to the hotel is quiet like before. Soonyoung is still stuck somewhere up in his head and Soonyoung’s dad fills the silence with embarrassing child Soonyoung stories that Jihoon thoroughly enjoys. He tells them goodbye in the elevator while Soonyoung and Jihoon continue up in silence. 

“You still being weird?” Jihoon asks when the elevator pings open and Soonyoung meets his eyes finally. 

“I’m not being weird.” Soonyoung says walking out of the elevator first. 

“You are. You barely said anything all dinner.” 

“I had a tiring day.” 

“Hmmhm..” Jihoon takes out the key to open the door and feels Soonyoung’s hand warm against his lower back. When they’re inside Soonyoung presses into him closer, lips hot right below his ear as he kisses there hotly, licks a little, hands clasping at his waist to make him face him. 

“Soonyoung,” Jihoon mutters but it comes out in a light moan. “Don’t distract me like this,” he says but Soonyoung has his arms around him and is squeezing him impossibly close to his chest, lips burning on his skin. “You’re pissed one second, now you what? Want to fuck?” Jihoon pushes Soonyoung harder and Soonyoung separates from him with a groan, hands running through his hair as he walks to the bed and drops onto it, staring at the ceiling. 

“What’s there to talk about?” 

“Your weird mood.” 

“Well maybe I can’t explain my weird mood,” he groans and he sounds more pissed than annoyed at this point. Soonyoung realizes that Jihoon is waiting because he sits up and looks at him apologetically, or maybe tries to. “I’m not mad, okay? Not at you, not at my dad, not at myself. Not at anything in particular just this shitty feeling I get in my chest when I feel like I still don’t have _enough_.”

Jihoon stays quiet and watches Soonyoung, urging him to keep talking. 

“It’s like… My parents are okay with it, right? That’s what I thought matters most to me, and it _does _but I still can’t have everything I want because in the end it doesn’t matter if my parents accept this or not, it's still not enough.” 

“What’s not enough?” Jihoon asks but he knows the answer and Soonyoung knows Jihoon knows because he just shakes his head. 

“Please don’t make me say these things out loud. I know you think them too, and I _hate _sounding like I’m ungrateful.” 

“Well I hate it when you close off like this,” Jihoon says, still standing on the opposite side of the room. “You’re not communicating properly and having sex with me is not the answer.” Soonyoung opens his mouth. “It’s _not_.” 

Soonyoung sighs and runs a quick hand through his hair. “What are you? My therapist,” he grumbles and Jihoon’s eyes narrow even though Soonyoung isn’t looking. “You heard my dad right?” He starts quietly. “I’ve always been a strange romantic, having a wife and kids was always something I thought was my end goal. Then I realized it was the stage so I put that aside for a while, because being Hoshi… That was everything I wanted. But now… Meeting you. Being with you. I want other things. And when I want things I _really _want them, Jihoon. With you it’s things, whether you want to or not, you just can’t give me,” Jihoon’s heart beats loudly in his ears and all of this just doesn’t feel good. “It’s not your fault, okay? And I don’t expect anything, I’ve already come to terms that I will have to settle for different… Things. But sometimes it still bothers me. Today it’s bothering me.” 

They’re both quiet for a while until Soonyoung looks up and his lips purse at Jihoon’s expression. 

“This is why I don’t want to talk about it,” he sighs getting up to go to Jihoon. “Don’t blame yourself, okay? It’s just me thinking about angsty things, it’s not a big deal. Right now, in this moment, I already have everything I want. This is just weird existential thoughts that pass through my mind when I have to tell my dad I have a boyfriend and he compares it to me talking about having a wife at age six.” 

Jihoon almost chuckles at that and Soonyoung keeps watching him to see if he’s okay. 

“I feel the same, you know?” Jihoon says after a moment. “I can’t even tell my parents about you…”

“I thought your mom knows,” Soonyoung says quietly.

“She does, but she doesn’t talk to me about you. She makes me feel like I can’t say anything about you either. So we just don’t mention you ever,” Jihoon stretches his neck, all of this is uncomfortable. “Can’t imagine telling my dad about me being with a guy,” he adds with a small laugh that Soonyoung doesn’t reciprocate. 

“We’re going to be fine.” 

“I know,” Jihoon finally meets his eyes. “So I wish you’d tell me how you feel, too. I don’t like seeing you in your weird shut down mood.”

“Weird shut down mood?” 

“You know. When you just don’t talk about anything and look pissed at the world.”

Soonyoung smiles slightly and hums. “Okay. I’ll try to be pissed at the world a little less often.” 

“Just a little then…” Jihoon sighs. “I guess that’ll do.” Soonyoung is grinning when Jihoon looks back up at him and this time when he kisses him Jihoon doesn’t push him away, kissing back with as much enthusiasm. 

“I love you,” he says close to his ear and Jihoon hums. “I kinda wanna fuck you again today,” he whispers and his hot breath sends shivers down Jihoon’s spine and he hates how hard he gets against Soonyoung’s thigh.

“Unfair,” he mutters. 

“I’ll bottom the whole time we’re in Osaka,” Soonyoung promises with a wet kiss on Jihoon’s cheek and Jihoon pulls away because it’s just too sloppy. 

“How much sex are we having in Osaka?” Jihoon mutters with a laugh and Soonyoung moves down to his neck, hands under his shirt as he pushes him against the wall. 

“Lots,” he mutters. “I want lots.”

“Okay, you’re crazy,” Jihoon’s voice sounds weak though and Soonyoung takes off his shirt to start kissing across his chest. 

“We haven’t worked out in like two days,” Soonyoung comments pulling slightly away.

Jihoon looks down at himself. “Is it obvious?” 

Soonyoung grins cutely at him. “No, you’re still hot as hell.” 

“Then continue,” Jihoon tells him and Soonyoung’s grin widens before he takes a nipple in his mouth and bites around it moving down again. 

“You’re a loud bottom, by the way,” Jihoon says, trying to keep his voice steady as Soonyoung starts palming him through his jeans. 

“Then I can continue topping.”

“Or I can top today.” Jihoon offers and Soonyoung whines against his waistband. 

“Pleaseeeeee.”

“Weirdo.” 

“We can do both.”

“Or we can just go sixty nine,” Jihoon mutters without thinking and when Soonyoung looks up at him with wide excited eyes he has to push him away by the forehead. 

“It was a joke!” 

“A very appealing one.” 

“Shut up.”

“You’re the one talking!”

“I’m not the one on my knees, get working,” he tells him and Soonyoung comes up for one more quick I love you at his lips before he lands back on his knees and gets to work. 

♡

“See?” Soonyoung says when Jihoon is panting, forehead pressed to his pillow and sheets damp beneath him. “I’m a good top.” 

“Shut your damn mouth,” Jihoon gasps, because Soonyoung just won’t let go of his dick even after he’s come twice and tries not to convulse too hard when he feels Soonyoung’s breathing right inside his ass.

♡

Somehow in the mess of last night one of them turned on the alarm clock for eight in the morning and as usual Soonyoung is the first one to get up and shower again before coming back to wake up Jihoon. 

“Hello,” he tells him with a grin and Jihoon groans. 

“I can’t walk today,” he complains and Soonyoung turns him over so he can place one hot kiss against his sternum. 

“Try.” 

“Fuck you. I’m fucking you so hard I want to see you try and do four concerts in Osaka without giving up.” 

Soonyoung smiles wide. “Okay.” 

“Horny idiot,” Jihoon mutters and Soonyoung grins like that's a compliment.

“By the way, I don’t think you can wear sleeveless anymore for encore,” he says with a smirk and _that _has Jihoon getting up in record time so he can look at himself in the mirror. There’s a huge hickey on his shoulder and another one on his right side, right above his ribs. “You’re insane!” He yells so Soonyoung can hear him in the bedroom. “I always knew you wanted all the attention to yourself!” 

Soonyoung doesn’t reply and Jihoon grumbles to himself as he washes his face and brushes his teeth before coming back out. 

“I swear it wasn’t on purpose,” he says but he’s smiling too hard and Jihoon doesn’t believe him. 

“Attention whore.” 

“Whore.” 

Jihoon’s mouth opens wordlessly and Soonyoung laughs before he starts apologizing and tries to kiss Jihoon over and over again until he finally lands on his mouth.

♡

The train back is calm and quick. Soonyoung’s dad sits in the first class again while Soonyoung and Jihoon sit in a cabin in the back. 

“Told the manager we’re coming back at around eleven, he’ll pick us up in a car.” 

“Okay,” Jihoon mutters from where he’s squeezed in his chair playing some game on his phone.

“Thanks for coming with me.” 

“Thanks for inviting me,” Jihoon tells him without meeting his eyes and Soonyoung nudges him. 

“Needy,” Jihoon complains but turns off his phone to look at Soonyoung.

“Let’s do this again sometime.” 

“Without your dad?” 

“Let’s invite someone else.” 

“Just take every member one by one.” 

“Sounds brilliant.” 

“Sounds like a headache.” 

“We’re the headache.” 

“_You’re _the headache.” 

“Ouch.”

Jihoon snickers and Soonyoung smiles with him. 

“Thanks Jihoon.” 

“Stop thanking me. You’re the one dragging me around. I should be thanking you.” 

“So thank me.”

“Thank you,” Jihoon looks at him and Soonyoung grins leaning closer to give him a kiss on the cheek.

“You’re welcome.” 

♡

Soonyoung’s dad leaves first while Soonyoung and Jihoon have to wait for their manager. 

“Thank you, Soonyoung-ah,” he hugs his son tightly before moving to Jihoon. 

“I’ll see you two in Osaka, alright? Take good care of my son, please,” he tells Jihoon, smiling kindly. “I feel like I can officially pass him on to you.” 

“No thanks,” Jihoon grumbles but he’s blushing furiously and both Kwons grin at him so brightly it’s almost painful to experience. 

When their manager picks them up a few minutes after Soonyoung’s dad leaves he scolds them for the whole ride back to the hotel. _You were caught. Carats saw you. Family trip? Why can’t you do fanservice when we ask you to but suddenly when you’re not supposed to be seen it’s a family trip?_

They both stay quiet. Nothing much to say to that. They had a good time and that’s what really matters to them in the end. Jihoon just kind of wishes this headache would disappear while Soonyoung blatantly texts on his phone. They have an hour before they leave for the airport so they separate to pack, Jihoon kind of wants a few minutes alone with Soonyoung but their manager watches them like a hawk so he has no choice but to go to his room. 

“Hey,” Vernon says from his bed when Jihoon walks in. “How was your trip?”

“Great,” Jihoon's smile is too honest.

“Kind of jealous,” Vernon admits sitting up. “Soonyoung’s dad is funny.”

“Both of them is too much.” 

Vernon grins. “I can’t imagine.” 

“Don’t even try. Even that will give you a headache,” Vernon laughs and stays mostly quiet while Jihoon goes to pack his suitcase before he realizes Soonyoung has all his clothes. 

“I’ll be right back,” he mutters even though Vernon has his earphones in and when he checks the hallway the coast is clear. 

Soonyoung’s room is just a few doors down and he knocks on it waiting for Soonyoung to let him in. 

“My clothes,” he tells him when Soonyoung opens the door and Soonyoung pouts. 

“Hello, please,” he says for him. “No problem, Jihoon! Do come in.” 

Jihoon rolls his eyes and follows Soonyoung inside realizing Joshua isn’t there.

“Shua’s at Jeonghan’s,” Soonyoung says as if sensing what Jihoon is thinking and passes him his clothes. “You know I can keep them in my suitcase if you want.”

“You’ve done enough.” 

“Of course I did,” Soonyoung says with a mock bow and Jihoon stares at him waiting for him to straighten up. “How’s your ass?” Soonyoung asks when he catches Jihoon looking at him.

“You really know how to ruin a moment.” 

“We were having a moment?” Soonyoung smiles eagerly and Jihoon rolls his eyes, going to leave the room. 

“Wait, wait, wait,” Soonyoung stops him. “One last kiss, before you ignore me for the next six hours.”

“You’re so dramatic,” Jihoon mutters but tilts his head up to let Soonyoung kiss him. “Happy?” 

“Yes,” Soonyoung grins, noses still brushing and kisses him again. "See you tonight."

"See you, " Jihoon murmurs chasing his lips.

“Love you,” Soonyoung says then and Jihoon leans away to look at him more clearly. 

“Love you too.” 

“One day you’ll stop blushing when you say that.” 

“One day,” Jihoon repeats and lets Soonyoung kiss him one last time before he leaves the room thinking how he really won’t mind to do this over and over again, maybe even for the rest of his life. 

  
  
♡

**Author's Note:**

> xx


End file.
